ATTN Rich People: Your Panameras Suck Now

"PS9" (PS9)
06/28/2016 at 17:59 • Filed to: Tavarish'd

Just look at this piece of shit. A hot German mess on wheels. This gross and disgusting Panamera continues to blight your 10 car garage while the new hotness is already on Porsche dealer lots across the country. No. This won’t do.

For the sake of your social life and well being, you MUST get to the dealer and deal with this problem. I suggest you dump your hideous and not at all desirable Panameras immediately. En masse. Show the market your displeasure by flooding it with horrible Panameras no one wants anymore. The prices will drop like a stone after that, which is totally not why I’m goading you to sell now instead of waiting like a sane person.

DISCUSSION (14)

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > PS9
06/28/2016 at 18:03

Give to me the V8 and AWD

Seat Safety Switch > PS9
06/28/2016 at 18:04

I will take any orphaned Panameras and give them a new life on the offworld colonies.

By offworld colonies I mean a rallycross course which will be totally bitchin’

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > PS9
06/28/2016 at 18:09

Kinja'd!!!

Damn

Steve in Manhattan > PS9
06/28/2016 at 18:11

I kind of like it ....

TheJWT > PS9
06/28/2016 at 18:13

Those have the worst visibility of any car I’ve driven. It’s like trying to drive with binoculars strapped to your face.

PatBateman > PS9
06/28/2016 at 18:14

It won't Adult X 2 AND Baby X 3, so it doesn't matter to me. :(

PanchoVilleneuve ST > PS9
06/28/2016 at 18:21

I still don’t get why they declared the new one “gorgeous”. It’s still as fart-ugly as the first one, only it’s new. It’s still a car for orthodontists to drive so they can still have a Porsche while letting their second wife’s kids get in the back seat.

Seriously, Porsche needs to give up on the whole “we make the 911 and try to make other cars look like the 911" thing, since it doesn’t fucking work. I’ll admit that I’ve never really been a Porsche fan since they’re either second-generation Tatra knockoffs made boring enough for boring people to buy once they hit a certain income bracket or cars made to resemble the “it’s not laziness, it’s heritage” styling of the former, even if it doesn’t work, but they do some things well. I like the rear grille with the floating “PORSCHE” text that you get on the Boxter and Cayman these days, so why not do that on the front of a car that doesn’t look like the deformed relative that the 911 keeps shackled in the attic and feeds fish heads?